Good writer’s use showing and not telling to engage their audience.

The Twist By Audrey 

BEEP! BEEP! I awaken to the deafening sound of my hand-me-down alarm clock that never really works. I snoozed it a hundred times. Then I  finally realise that it is 8:00 am so I quickly drag my lousy self out of bed and have a quick but firing shower. I stuff my milky cheerios in my mouth and with no time to spare, I run like a lightning bolt out of the door. Only two days after the first day of school, my bag is already ripped.

Landing! I make it to the bus stop. The bus was nowhere to be seen. My teeth were quivering and my fist was clenched with sweaty palms but I felt good because a girl called Melony was waiting beside me. I inhaled so much air and realised that the bus was finally here. I grinned cheek to cheek. I hopped in. My grin slowly disappeared. The bus didn’t look like usual even the bus driver had something peculiar about him. The bus driver reminded me of an old vegetable that never got of bed. He muttered that his name was Grand Top Hat and that we were going to Books and Bogey Land. I tried to get out of the bus but the door had already closed so off we went.

We suddenly made it. Melony and I were trying to ignore the weirdness but it was too unimaginably hard not to. I was scampering out the door when it closed on me and my body was all squashed like a piece of jello. I was always getting stuck in things. After the bus stopped, Melony went first into the big building ahead, that looked like it was for old people and was full of books. She was in absolute heaven.

After an hour, we were done reading Melony’s favourite Harry Potter book, and were ready to head to the bus stop. Big loud bangs were heard from our pounding footsteps as we ran towards the door. The librarian was so angry that she stood in front of the door, locking it with her library keys.My face was red and my feet were tense. How were we going to escape?

BOOM!!!  We looked around. Grand Top Hat was here to save us. It was a miracle. He asked Melony for her hair pin and began swivelling the pin inside the lock. We heard clicking and scratching as we waited for what seemed like hours. Would we miss the bus and be stuck here forever?

Just as we were about to give up hope we heard a… POP! The door flung open. We were free and jumped for joy. Maybe we still had time to catch the bus! Grand Top Hat ordered us to leave. As we ran to the bus there were tears streaming from our eyes of what a relief it was to  be free. I soon realised that I had the best day ever and I didn’t need to cry.

That night as we ate dinner, I chatted with mum, asking if I was old enough to have my own set of keys to the house…

                                                                      Dr.Demon By Nick 

Snot drizzled down my nose as I reached for another tissue from the now empty box. Pete scanned the room with all the other people who were also very sick. He sat silently waiting to be called out by Dr.Demon…

Pete stared at the clock while it ticked away. He realised patients were going into Dr.Demons room and not returning. However, Dr.Demon always did, wearing a white lab coat and black gloves. Pete noticed Demon’s eyes both faced different ways and it really freaked him out.  Finally, Pete heard his name called out. It was his turn. His legs were shattering as he crept into Demon’s room…

OMG!!! Pete looked around and noticed bones, bones everywhere! He screamed until he felt his mum’s arms wrap around him. She did not believe him, even though he told her everything.Soon after, Pete secretly called the police, the officer said they would check it out.

A few minutes later, the officers came thundering through the door like hippos. Their voices boomed through the room. ‘WHICH ROOM IS DR.DEMONS?” A man called out down the corridor he told the officer the directions. They smashed through his room but somehow Demon knew the officers were coming. All the bones were quickly hidden.

The officers called back to say there were no bones in sight. Pete pleaded with them to look some more. An officer caught sight of a plastic bones box that was hidden under a blanket. Dr.Demons face started turning red. They carefully opened the box and saw what looked like human bones. One of the officers tried to snap a bone but it was as hard as a rock.

The police charged Dr.Demon for ‘his bone collecting’ and he was sentenced to five years jail. Over 20 people were killed by Demon. Pete’s mum was disappointed that Pete had sneakily called the police using her new iPhone X. However, she was also very proud he had solved the case of the missing people.

Pete never had a day off school ever again. Even if he was so sick that his face looked as green as freshly mowed grass, Pete still went to school.

4C’s Assembly- Roald Dahl’s characters hits London Fashion Week. Good writers show and not tell when describing characters to engage the reader in their writing.

Here is a snapshot of some of our character descriptions that graced the catwalk last Friday. 

Mrs Twit is a fearfully- ugly,stupid old hag. Her husband, Mr Twit was not much better. His teeth look like they have never seen modern dentistry. Mr Twit’s hair wis matted like a bird nest. He wears clothes that look like they have been collected from the local dump. What is Mr Twit doing on the runway?

Veruca Salt is an overindulged, little brute,who is always wanting more.  This has turned her into an fiercely, ugly child from the `inside. Her behaviour is like that of a tantrum – throwing two year old who has not received it’s teddy bear.

The Grand High Witch is the fiercest of all witches. She dresses like an ordinary female and has an ordinary job. The only give away is her rectangular-shaped shoes that enclose her boxed feet. Real witches are always plotting to get rid of filthy, disgusting, rotten little kids like you sitting in this atrium….

Master Augustus Gloop is an enormously fat, little boy. He looks as though he has been blown up with a powerful pump. This greedy boy eats anything he sets his eyes on.His stripey red and white top has been custom made due to his extraordinary size and his face is constantly painted with morsels of food left over from his last meal.

Miss Trunchbull is a  real, gigantic holy terror, a fierce tyrannical monster who frightens the life out of children and teachers. Miss Trunchbull is wearing a manly leather jacket, strapped with a tight buckle around her bulging waist. She wears long stockings over her muscly thighs. Very stylish.

Some rather interesting characters modelling our latest collection in 4C…